This week has been rough for me and Alex both individually and together. We started fighting almost daily and really did nothing to make each other feel welcome. Between working on a web series together, dating, and being friends, we were burned out.
After a huge fight Wednesday morning, Alex texted me and said, “Do you want to go on a date?” Which made me laugh because I feel like we do that all the time! We definitely don’t. Just because we run errands and film things together doesn’t mean that we’re always off on dates. So I said yes, and we left. Alex’s original plan was to take me stargazing, which was a super sweet plan! Unfortunately, between the fact that it’s fire season in AZ and Alex’s memory, we were never able to find a good spot. So we settled for a late night coffee run and great conversation. It felt a lot like our very first date.
But we didn’t mention how we had been feeling. Finally last night I said to him, “How do you think we’re doing? As a couple?” Both of us agreed we were fine, but not great. And that’s when he said it: “I don’t want to lose you because you’re my best friend.”
Whoa. Wait a second. We’re supposed to be best friends above all of it. We’re supposed to love each other and listen and support each other as friends above everything else. “I don’t feel like we’re friends anymore.” I finally replied.
So we both stopped and decided to take a step back. We started talking, no judgement, about things in our individual lives that had been weighing us down. Alex told me how he’s scared to move across the country. I told him how I’m so excited for this coming year, but almost feel overwhelmed by possibility. We talked about how this week has made us question if we’re happy.
By the end of the conversation, we were laughing. We made a few jokes and decided that being in love is great, but being friends still comes first. We agreed that we would take more time to listen to each other.
This week may have been hard, but looking back I’d do it all again just for that conversation. I love Alex to the moon and back, and feel lucky to spend my life with him, but I feel luckier still that he chooses me as his best friend.