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Moments

Driving

July 26, 2014

As she made her way to the theatre, she absent-mindedly called her best friend again.
“…cannot come to the phone…” the automated voice spoke into her ear. Wordlessly, she hung up the phone and breathed out sharply. Why did she bother anymore? He hadn’t answered a single one of her calls in almost two weeks.
She turned on the radio to distract herself as she drove on, farther west. Tonight though, the usually calming voices of the NPR reporters did nothing more than annoy her. She quickly turned off the car stereo, before immediately turning it back on and popping in a Grouplove cd. As the first song started to play, she thought back to the Grouplove concert she had attended only months earlier. She remembered the way she had spotted the one person she hoped not to see through the crowd, their eyes had met briefly, uncomfortably. The cd played on and she realized what this band reminded her of: good nights, and her fallout with a once good friend who this guy had dated, then later broke up with.
“His timing was so bad,” she thought. She continued to drive, allowing her mind to wander into its “what if?” mode. She hated when she did this to herself, but tonight, she couldn’t help it.
“What if he had never dated her?” “What if we were still friends?” “What if she didn’t still hate me with a burning passion?” She questioned herself like a police officer leading an interrogation.
“Pent-up hatred isn’t good for anything. I wish I could tell her that. It weighs down your mind and it doesn’t do anyone any good to hold grudges…” She stopped herself, realizing that none of this was helpful in any way. It was useless thinking of what might have been and it was conceited to imagine giving someone else advice on how they should live their life. She concluded to focus on her own problems, which were plentiful, as she pulled up to the theatre.
It wasn’t until that moment that she had the suddenly urge to call him right then and there and tell him that she needed him because she believed that she just might be falling apart. But, like everything else in her life, the moment passed, she parked her car, took three deep breathes, and stepped out into the hot summer sun, willing herself to smile.

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