“If you’ve got chemistry, you only need one other thing: timing. But timing’s a bitch.”
Yes, I admit, this quote from How I Met Your Mother may be over used as hell, but it still rings true. Timing is a bitch.
I firmly believe in the idea that the universe works in ways that are unknown to me. I like the idea that my stars tell my fate (at least to an extent) and that the universe sends people into my life to teach me things, regardless if I want those lessons or not. Today, I definitely thought I didn’t.
For me, the concept of wanting to commit to someone romantically is hard to swallow. My friend Henry says this is because I have “commitment issues.” I say it’s because of this: I don’t like huge risks. I don’t like the idea of not thinking things through, of not weighing the possible outcomes. I love calculated risks, but the here-goes-nothing craziness I can do without. And that’s what relationships sometimes are, in my eyes, just really big risks. I don’t like that.
Flashback to two months ago, when I was struggling with love and being loved. I thought, for some reason, that things would magically fall into place if we both took two giant steps forward and decided to be in a relationship, despite distance. (Sidebar: long distance never works out. never.) I was determined to make my argument and was generally unwilling to listen to anything else. If you haven’t guessed it already, that didn’t end well.
Now, here’s where the universe steps in. Flash forward to the present, where I seem to find myself in a similar situation, only reversed. It’s no longer me that’s asking for an impossible commitment, but rather it’s me that has to kindly decline. In the words of my dad, “The point of dating someone is to get to know them, which would be hard to do 3,000 miles away.”
I’m not one to get all “it’s meant to be,” but after my experience last week and after the conversations I’ve had today, I feel like I can say it: sometimes people meet at the wrong time, it doesn’t mean they’re not right for each other, it just means that the timing isn’t right yet. Every experience is a learning opportunity, and this was a big one. Today I had to face the truth that I was the one asking for too much, too soon. And in a lot of ways, I was the immature one in this situation (not to say that I am completely at fault, because believe me, there’s plenty of blame to go around!)
At the end of the day, all I can do is realize my mistakes and grow from them. I can’t go back and change things, nor would I want to. So thank you, universe, for teaching me this lesson. Perhaps when the timing is right, you’ll even give me a second chance. But until then, I might as well sit back and laugh.