The best things in this life aren’t planned, or at least, that is what I am coming to believe. The best things in this life are the moments when we’re least expecting much of anything to happen at all. They are the moments in which we reconnect with someone we lost touch with, or learn to run a mile without stopping, or stare out the window at just the right minute in order to see the sunset. They are the moments in which we wake up in the morning to an expected text, which leads to forgiveness, which leads to trust and honesty and love. I want to remember these moments.
I am happy. I am longing. I am hungry. I am at peace. I am hopeful. I am anxious. I am excited. I am scared. I am ready. I am I am I am. Above all else, I want to remember that I am happy with these moments. I am happy with myself. I am happy with my love. I am happy with my life. I am not required, nor do I feel I deserve, to demand anything more.
I am still growing, continually, as a person. I’m forever learning to be patient, and trying to take extra seconds to be kind. I’ve promised my best-friend-who-I-am-in-love-with that I would be better, just as I’m promising all of you, just as I’ve, most importantly, promised myself. I promise to be better.
The future doesn’t scare me, not that it really ever has. But I’m learning to leave it all unplanned, or at least, open to interpretation. I’m working on designing a life I love without pre-living it. I’m open to being surprised, along with cautious. I want to cultivate a love that’s so great, the mountains and sea will be jealous. I want to be remembered as the girl who loved fiercely and passionately and all at once, without planning.
Life is too short for me to be angry with myself for being human, or for me to rush through it as if I’m running a race, or for me not to love who I love. So I must begin.